The Romantic.com

April 14, 1999

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We often think of romance in terms of things we buy or places we
go to on dates. The art of communication is often downplayed.
This story by one of my subscribers illustrates just how romantic
listening can be. — Michael

BOYFRIENDS, HUSBANDS LEND ME YOUR EARS

My husband of three years has worked really hard at developing
and maintaining his romantic side during our marriage. He is
affectionate and considerate, and does his best to make me feel
loved every day. However, he generally thinks most things that a
woman would consider romantic to be “sappy” and not really
necessary. He can handle flowers on our anniversary and the
occasional grand gesture, but day to day romantic gestures he views as
superfluous. That is why this small event was so special to me.
Kevin, like most other men I know, has a low tolerance for
talking about feelings. As a computer sales engineer he is in the
business of solving people’s problems rather than listening to them
talk about them. I call this his “Mr. Fix-It” syndrome. “Mr. Fix-It,”
however does not always translate well to relationships. Like other
women I know, if I am upset about something, my first priority is to
air my bad feelings and to feel understood. Kevin’s first priority is to
give advice and solve the problem. If he cannot do that, he feels
powerless and frustrated. Thus, we often feel like we are speaking
different languages even if we have the same goal.

After Kevin endured a four hour flight home from a week long
business trip last week, we went out to dinner. I had recently taken
on a new job and was feeling overwhelmed and not really up to the
challenge. Thus we were both exhausted and grouchy.
I hadn’t planned on telling him how frustrated I was, but it all
spilled out at once. Kevin tried to offer me solutions right and left,
but I just wanted to be heard. I grew more and more quiet, not even
realizing yet that I hadn’t wanted advice but rather had wanted to
be understood. To his credit, Kevin figured out on his own and
subtly switched to telling me that he understood how I felt. He put
aside his own exhaustion and his need to be “Mr. Fix-It” and attended
to my feelings.

All of a sudden, my frustration faded away in the face of his caring
attentiveness. He thinks I didn’t notice, but I did and I know how
hard it was for him to do. I think it is one of the most romantic things
he has ever done for me, and it didn’t cost nearly as much as dinner!

Jennifer Stephens
Richardson, TX
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~~~     Romantic Resources      ~~~

Draw closer together with 1000 Questions for Couples at
http://www.questionsforcouples.com

Spice up your love life with 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secretshttp://www.500lovemakingtips.com

Learn the 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships at
http://www.50secrets.com

Discover 300 Creative Dates at http://www.300creativedates.com

There is A Better Way To Date
http://theromantic.com/abetterway.htm

Read about The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question at
http://www.howtoproposemarriage.com

You can purchase Michael Webb’s bestseller, The Romantic’s Guide:
Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love, at bookstores
nationwide, Amazon.com or BN.com
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~~~  Who is Michael Webb?     ~~~

He is:
Athena’s loving husband
Father to Ashton and Ireland
Best-selling author
* The Romantic’s Guide: 100s of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love
* The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question
* 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
* 50 More Secrets of Blissful Relationships
* 300 Creative Dates
* 1000 Questions for Couples
* A Better Way to Date
* 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
Founder, National Resurrect Romance Week (second full week in Aug)
Syndicated Columnist, “TheRomantic.com Column”
Romance/Relationship expert on over 500 TV/radio stations
Founder, TheRomantic.com
Founder, Love One Another Foundation

Subscribe to Michael’s other e-zine – send blank e-mail to the
addresses Secrets of Blissful Relationships
mailto:secrets-on@mail-list.com Or subscribe athttp://theromantic.com