It has been documented that men and women across the world, from all kinds of cultures, flirt; all mammals and most animals flirt, and all humans participate in a similar dance of courtship prior to mating. Flirting defined is an evolutionary process that all animals, including humans, do to select those in whom we are interested, those with whom we want and choose to interact, and those individuals we would consider as persons with whom we would date, court, or eventually even mate.
Flirting signals have evolved, having been around for hundreds of years, and differ according to the sex and the species, but eye contact and a definite connection usually gets the ball rolling.
Women have been flirting skillfully and effectively for thousands of years, and during that time both sexes have enjoyed the benefits of this playful, enticing activity. However, women have always been seen as the active, assertive participant, and for the most part have developed it into an activity about which men seem to have very little conscious knowledge or experience. Over the years women have sought perfection in flirting as their way to demonstrate their interest in a potential mate, with the goal of sexual pairing through numerous very specific actions toward intercourse…or perhaps not.
So what’s the difference between the flirting performed by men and flirting performed by women when they both have the shared goals of mate selection, preservation of the species and survival of our DNA, and both sexes are wired for specific behaviors to convey their interest and connect with another person?
Words to describe a woman’s flirting manner are subtle, smooth, and polished compared to that of a man’s overt, overdone and somewhat course performance.
It appears from the above descriptions of how men flirt that his goal when flirting is to draw attention to himself, and to show how big and strong he is, demonstrate that he is perfectly able to protect and take care of a woman and provide for any children they may have together. So, if men want to be more successful in the business of flirting we have to help them tame and subdue the “caveman” portion within him that still exists, and substitute behaviors that will help solve their flirting dilemma. For those men who feel they do very well in this flirting arena, I congratulate you. But you might want to stick around, drop the caveman approach, and become subtler in your approach.
Here are some tips to get you started:
1. If your regular recreational habitats are for men only, regroup. Do not expect to flirt with women on hunting or fishing trips, in all male colleges, playing video games, watching a live ball game, stag parties, men’s tennis/golf, pool halls, etc. If you spend most of your time in places such as these, I suggest you revisit your recreational selections.
2. Always prepare as though you are about to meet someone special, but without looking “prissy.” For example, look clean, do not smell; do not be sweaty, no bad breath or bad teeth, clean fingernails, shave (not all women like that unshaved look); do not be drunk, belligerent, and rowdy. Decide if you want to be a “total man’s man,” for that evening, or a “total woman’s man.” If it is a man’s man you should probably forfeit flirting success.
3. Stop trying so hard to impress with your physical build and strength at an initial meeting; if you are successful flirting these will be revealed later
4. Show interest verbally – quietly, calmly, and in a low voice, as this will bring her face closer
5. Be confident, cool, moderately interested
6. Gently touch your target, especially her face, but never touch her sexually, even by an “oops, sorry accident”
(Check out our website – www.FlirtingFormula.com for more in depth ways to attract a woman with flirting)
7. Try to hold that first “look” longer, and do so intermittently during your liaison. Look slowly around her face, and then finish at her mouth
8. Make her feel your interest – make her laugh, joke with her, be verbally playful
9. Develop discussions that lead to topics of common interest such as travel, shared experiences, films, TV programs, etc. develop a list in your mind that can be prepared ahead. Decide whether you want to take a chance with taboo topics such as religion, politics, same-sex marriage, abortion, transgender issues or avoid them altogether
10. Think of and practice compliments beforehand, but do not forget to modify them according to the woman in front of you.
11. Think carefully about flirting with a woman you already know and value her friendship; determine if it is worth the loss of her friendship if things go awry
12. End your liaison on a positive note. Say your goodbyes in an upbeat way, exchange contact information; by this time you should know whether to hug or not. If in doubt, don’t.
Remember, each experience may not be as good as you had hoped, and no one is perfect. The key is to evaluate what should/could be changed, pick yourself up, practice, practice, practice, and, and try again.
Dr. Grace Blodgett, aka “Dr. Gracie”, has a PhD is Human Sexuality and over 56 years experience in the field of nursing. Her new book Understanding Patients’ Sexual Problems [Aviva Publishing, 2015] is available on Amazon.
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