It is understandable why so few couples reach the level of deep, deep intimacy.
Vulnerability can be downright scary.
Perhaps you’ve been hurt once or many times when you exposed your deepest longings and passions. But chances are you haven’t even come close to experiencing mutual vulnerability in your relationships.
Here are some steps you can take to deepen the intimacy with your partner.
1. Take baby steps. Don’t share your entire life story when you are new in a relationship. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, don’t suddenly *spill your guts* about everything you’ve ever thought of, dreamed of, fantasized about. Build your castle one brick at a time.
Whenever you have the opportunity (date night for instance) share maybe one new thing that you’ve never talked about before. Taking your time will not only build trust, it will build a stronger foundation for your relationship to rest upon.
2. Make time and space for deep sharing. It is hard to share personal thoughts and ideas if you have kids running around or while sitting in the spectator stands at a sports match.
Seek out private places like parks, nature walks, candlelit dining tables or even backyards watching fireflies. Sometimes having a beverage and/or a snack can help slow you down and give you enough time to begin some important conversations.
3. Talk about intimate issues. You can’t grow deeply if all you ever talk about is the kids and work. Your sexual life is (or will be if you are working towards that goal) an incredibly important part of cementing you two together. The bonds you build are directly related to how open and honest each of you can be about your intimate desires.
One of the best ways I discovered to make these discussions fun and non-threatening is to make our way through a list of questions that someone else wrote so there isn’t that feeling of “I wonder why he/she is asking that question”.
I have used my experience of helping couples over the last 20 years to create a resource that will help create the deep intimacy you crave.
An effective way to go through questions like this is to have them on your night stand or even cut up and put in a jar or box where you pull out one or more to answer.
Deep intimacy takes time and effort to achieve but like building a castle a brick at a time you eventually have a fortress that can weather almost any attack.
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